Today

I think I am about to go on a journey. I have been getting inside my own head these last few weeks. I feel like things are getting clearer in my world and I have managed to open up a little and tell someone about the thoughts that go through my head sometimes. I think everyone needs a little space just for themselves and it is now time for me to forge a place for myself. I have been shored up in my bedroom lately, have been making it a nicer space to just hang out, do what I want to do, find a little peace in a world full of madness. I have been reading a lot of novels, the odd non-fiction book and have turned my hand back to poetry. I am on the verge of something big, I have been collecting my thoughts, compiling notes and it had been a few months since I made any conscious effort to get busy. This week has been a complete turnaround for me. Either I have turned my mind onto what I should be doing instead of going through the motions of what everyone else expects me to be doing or I am just making the best use of a seldom moment of clarity in my life.

Sometimes it takes me a while to get my act together. What else is there for me to do?

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Colour me in

Tonights post is inspired by the song Colour Me In by Damien Rice. This song has been getting me through the last few days. A little internal dialogue for my life. Most days whenever I walk from place to place I am filling my head with music. Music is one of the constant influences in my life. It takes me back to my childhood. I have songs that remind me of every family member; all my sisters and brothers, my mum and dad, everyone. When people let me down – music never does. I am surrounding myself with songs that remind me how good life can be, the riches each day can bring and the light that is out there to light the way in the darkness.

I have been watching tv with my son tonight and it was good just to have a little time for him. We seem to have been on different courses through life recently and it was great to touch down with him again. I hope for more but we will see how he feels about it all. I have been a little detached from my own life recently and this is not great when I am responsible for other people but like I said yesterday I am working my way out of the darkness and finding purpose in every day again so hopefully this upward turn will continue. A little bit at a time I suppose.

I see it has been snowing whilst the night has unfolded. I am looking forward to a crisp, cold morning. Nothing like a bit of fresh freezing air to wake me up when I am walking the kids to school. I am looking forward to a lovely walk with the dog when I get my morning all to myself. Maybe write a little before I head off to work. I am starting to recognise the potential in life, my personal work and my writing again but we will see where it takes me.

Elastic Heart

Hey world.

I have been gone for too long. I am back with my mind set on straight and an urge to put the past behind me and engage with the life I want to have. I dont know why I have these little blips where life pulls me sideways or downwards or in circles of despair but today I am keeping my head afloat. I am not gonna let trivial things get in my way. Today is the day I start living for me. I have intention and integrity to speak my mind, live as I see fit and write my heart out. Things are insecure in my life right now but I am always up to the challenge. This sudden change of heart is because I have been journaling, listening to music and reading anything I can get my hands on. I suppose what I really mean is that I am managing to eke out some of my time to indulge my passions, pander to my literary whims, let myself go in the words of a good song, embrace the weird that is me. I have been writing poetry and editing some short stories. I am always in a better place when i am writing poetry.

Long may it continue.