Well all the fuss is over, the stress, the fretting over what to buy, the slaving over the stove, the cleaning up – after my hoardes of children have opened their pressies and discarded all the packaging in their wake. Months of self inflicted worry added to the stress of scrimping and saving to ensure my kids got something they wanted for christmas. It is all over now and it is with mixed emotions that I say I am glad it is finished for another year. I am pleased that the stressful part is over but there is a wee part of me that will miss the expectation of all those wee faces looking forward to see what Santa had left for them. My grandkids being here added an unexpected flash of joy to my day. My three youngest kids all seemed to be very pleased with their presents and it is one of the first christmases when I felt like I had done a good job. My youngest daughter was also a huge help in preparation for the day so I have her to be thankful for.
I have spent the last few minutes sending private messages to one or two people who I have really missed over christmas. I need to try and make more of an effort to keep in touch with everyone as I dont want to lose contact with my family memebers again. The recent events in the news make it even more important that I continue to talk or write to my brothers, sisters and extended family and friends more. In the wee small hours like now I tend to reflect on those folk that are missing from my life at the moment. I am talking specifically about my mum and dad and also few close family members that died during the last year. It has been an emotional roller-coaster in a number of ways. Christmas more than any other time makes me nostalgic and what better time to reconnect and touch lives that have been gravitating away from me now that mum and dad are not here to keep us all together. I will get keep in touch with everyone if it kills me.
I am writing again and once again I am feeling like myself. I am living in a creative space in my head at the moment and I just need to harness all that energy and make it amount to something. My sister and I have been chatting about projects and plans and it has been fantastic having someone to discuss matters of imagination and inspiration. My kids all recieved gifts that have some form of creative output for them. It means a lot ot me that my kids get a chance to express themselves in whatever way they want to. My youngest daughter has taken up knitting and other crafts so i am extremely interested to see what path she takes. She also wanted to paint me a picture for my living room wall and I cannot wait for her to produce a masterpiece to brighten every time I walk into that room.
I have spent a few days going over old photos of my kids and looking back at how I have progressed over the years. Although sometimes I feel like in money terms we have went backwards and we do not seem to have progressed in the lifestyle we have – I also can see how we have all developed as people. My kids are a source of immense joy in my life and I can only hope that they make their way in life in a way that fulfills them. For myself, I can see that i am still chasing challenges and setting myself goals and reaching for the moon and I cannot berate myself for that. I am still hopeful. I do not know where that hope comes from but I seem to have it in spades. Maybe one day my endeavours will catch up with that hope and I will change all our lives for the better.