Just walking the dog.

I have been absent from here for a couple of days.  I had been walking with my dog every day, for a few hours and he had a few sickness incidents but yesterday he went downhill pretty fast, so this morning I had to rush him to the vet just to get checked out.  As it turns out he has probably ingested something on our walks this week and that has made him poorly.  All that added to the stress of being mauled by a lone, angry terrier yesterday has meant my little walking companion has not been feeling very well today. 

After a dose of antibiotics from the vet and a few tiny bland meals he seems to be managing through today even though he looks so fragile.  He is usually so full of life that nothing keeps him down.  He has been getting excited when we get visitors but the lethargy that comes after this exertion leaves him knackered.  Zeke did manage a quick walk today and his tail was wagging but not quite as lively as usual.  I am hopeful that he is now on the mend but I was scared for a little while because he was just so ill.

This has brought a few things to light;

1.  I was terrified that something would happen to him – I felt vulnerable, lonely, scared and a little bit lost to be honest.  I felt the same as I did when my oldest son had his first asthma attack.  Terrified that I would not have his wee happy self to watch on my walks.  Scared that not having him to share my walks would make me not want to walk.  Vulnerable that if I did not have his company then I would lose it altogether.

2.  I have spent months eradicating the stressful things in my life but in one fell swoop I felt it all descend on me again.  I was clenching my teeth, getting headaches and stomach aches with the worry that something really bad was going to happen to my dog.

3.  I realised that I am so lonely that losing my dog would be wholly catastrophic.  If I didn’t have him then who would be my daily company, who would be the one thing that keeps my life on an even keel, who would fill the void that losing zeke would bring into my life?

4.  Zeke is the one thing in my life that loves me unconditionally, he is always pleased to see me, I make him almost as happy as he makes me.  How miserable would my life be without him.

I know some people would read this and think – He is only a dog but to me he is much more.  I made a decision earlier this year that things in my life had to change.  Almost all my ideas about getting fitter and taking back my life depended on me getting out with my dog.  I literally felt like this daft canine companion has saved my life because if I did not turn things around I would be in a much sorrier state.  Our daily walks give me something to look forward to, they give me a reason to get out of bed in the morning, they keep my spirits lifted when usually I go through a rollercoaster of emotions.  Nothing ever gets so bad if I manage to get out to walk with my dog.  I see the world through much brighter perspectives when I have my dog to keep me company. 

I will be looking after him all weekend in the hope that he gets back to his usual boisterous loving self because I feel as if we are connected and if he doesn’t make it then I don’t think my nerves could get over it.  I am going to try sleeping now because last night I was filled with dread as I tried to fall asleep.  Lying in the dark worrying, stressing, fearing that my wee pal was seriously ill – almost made me ill.  Here is hoping tomorrow is a better day for him.  I will keep you all posted.



2 thoughts on “Just walking the dog.

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