I woke up today feeling calm but empty. I have not really come to terms with the personal events of the weekend. I think I will carry them close to my chest for a little bit longer but you can be assured that at some point in the near future I will feel well enough to air them on here. I am sneaking a few minutes to write this post before I go and start cooking dinner – getting busy always helps to take my mind off things.
Once I get dinner in the oven I am going to try writing away my pain. I cannot break down whilst my babies are up so I will try and write something worthy of how I feel and once they are all in bed I will watch a movie or listen to sad songs or do something that reflects how I feel. I know that carrying around pain is not good for me so I will get it out one way or another.
I don’t feel right burdening anyone else with how I feel. I don’t know how I am going to cope, I don’t have anyone to turn to for a cuddle so I will cradle my pain for a little while longer. I want to accept that things have changed, that I am devastated by the loss, that my heart has been broken and stamped on but I am allowed to feel the pain. I am allowed to acknowledge the fact that something really important to me has come to an end and that I feel like part of me has died with it.