Its all coming back to me

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I have had a day where everything seemed to have lost its sparkle.  Apart from enjoying spending time with my kids I had been inundated with feelings of a great nothingness.  There was no interest in my day or the tasks I carried out.  I have been overwhelmed with a need to hide – get back into bed and pull the covers over my head.  This was all until I got a surprising message on a well-known social media site.

Out of the blue I got a little burst of understanding from someone I have only known for a short time but who has made a huge impact on my life.  If ever I needed a friend it was today.  I get a bit melancholic every now and again.  I thought I had dealt with a few of my issues but it turns out they are just hanging around waiting for the most inconvenient time to resurface.  I knew things were creeping up on me but for someone else to recognise the signs – it really took me aback.

The one thing that really impacted on my day was the fact that I did not do my daily walk before work.  I did not have that little bit of time to empty my head.  I missed watching my dog run free, missed him living in the moment.  My dog has become a symbol for my own happiness and I see my own mood reflected in him.  So I actually missed me today.  It was as if I had switched myself off.

So instead of analysing my mood, my minor depression, my feeling low – I am going to think about tomorrow and the differences I am going to make.

1.  I am visualising my dog, almost smiling, tongue out -ears back tail wagging, running with abandon.

2.  I am visualising the hill (my hill) and I am running up it – the cold air in my lungs, the burning pain of exertion but also the elation of getting to the top.

3.  I am breathing fresh air in and breathing out all the negative particles.

4.  I am going to look in the mirror and like being me.

5.  I am winning the fight with my walking – I will speed up tomorrow and try and cut ten minutes off my walking time but doing the same circuit.

6.  I am counting on at least one interesting person coming into work.  One query out of the norm.

7.  I am visualising getting active with my kids after dinner.  Burning some calories and turning up the fun.

8. I am seeing a little patch of time to write one poem.

9.  I am seeing kids in bed early and me turning off the television and writing 2,000 words.

10.  I am going to set daily goals to keep me on track.

This post has been brought to you by an almost depressed me and the support of my friend A.  Lets see how well I will stick to the plan.  Looking forward now.  Yes the issues will always be there but I am going to kick my arse into gear.  It is about time.



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