If you’re looking for a way out

I had a funny old day.  The kids were playing up on the way to school but have been little darlings since they got back out.  I have had an easy lazy day.  After dropping the kids off I went for my walk with the dog but did not venture too far.  I walked to my nemesis – the hill that kills me but after starting to walk up it I thought ‘I really don’t want to be going this way today’ so I stopped and took Zeke for a less tiring but more sensory pleasing walk.  I let him off the leash for quite a while and he was lolloping around like he was having the time of his life.  He kept running back towards me and seemed ecstatic every time I told him he was a good boy. 

I got home and decided I wanted to lay down for a little while but three hours later I woke up on my bed.  I don’t usually have a nap during the day but for some reason this morning just left me needing comfort.  I wanted to snuggle up on my bed as it was the most comforting thing I could think of.  I shut the curtain, lay down and just dozed off.  Sometimes in the past I have had days like this and woke up feeling like I have wasted a day.  Today however I just thought that was how the day was meant to be spent.  Maybe that was why the kids were better behaved after school because I was much better rested and able to cope with their mini dramas.

Tonight was spent curled up watching movies with my kids.  My nine year old daughter kept cuddling up to me and holding on to my arm with her little warm hands.  It reminded me of when she was a baby, when she would only settle if she could have a hand on a bit of skin.  Maybe she sensed I needed it.  My baby boy who is six, after his bath kept coming up for a cuddle and he smelled wonderful. I just wanted to hold on to him for ages.  It reminded me of his baby smell.  God I miss baby smell. 

I have decided that I must have been giving off vibes that I needed some looking after.  That and both of my youngest babies have been feeling a little poorly this week so we were all looking after each other.  We have been researching pets all week because my daughter would really like something small and furry to look after.  We have been looking up facts about hamsters, degu’s and other small animals and that is how I have felt today like a mother surrounded by her cubs or babies, and it just felt right to come home from school, get into pyjamas and lounge around.  Much needed down time – just me and my three youngest babies and zeke. 

I have still been procrastinating quite a bit lately but I think I needed today.  I have had a lonely week and immersing myself in family tonight and resting today helped me get everything back into perspective.  Spending the weekend having much needed fun with my babies and my granddaughter is coming to stay.  The hard thing will be remembering not to forget to do some things just for me.  I feel like it has been so long since I had a night out, a good natter with friends, a laugh, let my hair down.  What I would really like is to go out and dance.  Dancing always cheers me up. I forget myself when I dance but it gets rid of tension, I feel like I am holding a lot of tension all day – every day.




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