Once I got the kids to school I disappeared to the hills for almost four hours. I cant remember what I thought about on my way round because I think it was empty of every worry, every stress and I felt light as a feather on my walk. The process of walking is helping me to combat my stress in the most fantastic way. I need to give thanks to my dog Zeke who keeps me company and supports me on this journey to get physically fitter and to improve my mental well being.
Once I got to the top of the hill today I took a few photographs of the scenery, I did some deep breathing exercises, then I let Zeke off the leash and watched as he ran carefree all over the hilltop. I stood with a big smile on my face watching my daft dog hang loose. I would call him back every now and again just to see his face as he ran towards me with his tongue bouncing about and his ears blowing backwards in the wind and I just thought to myself I want to do that. The seclusion of the walk, the wind blowing in my face, the fresh air and the calmness makes me want to do something wild – because I know no-one is watching. I feel like screaming or singing at the top of my voice (visions of Julie Andrews walking across the alps do not conjure up the appropriate image of me on that hill).
I don’t remember the last time I felt so carefree (apart from my walks) and happy and fit. I still have a very long way to get to the level of fitness that I want but just being in the process makes me a million times happier than I have been in ages. I think I may be rewiring my brain and I like it. I don’t have any idea why I let life get on top of me so much before but now I have strategies to kick my own ass and life is getting better day by day. I get crabby on days when I cant get out for my solitary walks.
I have been mostly in my own head today – I don’t know if this is a good thing. I think for my writing it is a very good thing but I have suspicions that my kids would like me to be more present in a hands on way. I will make a conscious effort over the weekend to be better. We are going out on Saturday and Sunday and I have plans to give my kids all of my attention. I think after the summer holidays where I spent an awful lot of time with them on adventures outdoors – I felt a little tired and switched off. My kids have been a little cranky and difficult since they went back to school and I was spending time in my own head to get me through the awkward process of the school run.
There is still one more day till the weekend starts. I had hoped to be doing something fun tomorrow but my plans fell through. I will go my four hour walk instead. I think I am becoming addicted to the freedom of the walking. Plans do not always work out for me. I am better off living in a constant state of flux. It is never a bad thing to be ready for anything.