It’s my life

I don’t want to get repetitive but this evening was spent out walking with my sister, my daughter and her friend.  The route we took was different from the one we had planned.  It was a local walk not too far from my house but the place we went was quite a significant one.  I had not even thought about it beforehand but once I got on the path it threw up a few surprise memories.

The place we went passed through certain areas that I used to hang out in as a teenager.  It was an area where a lot of misfits congregated together.  None of us were too sporty or popular.  We just talked about music mostly.  Just around the corner from that memory was an embarrassing thought about losing my virginity.  This was not a romantic image in my head but it came back as clear as day.  It made me cringe but then I laughed at the absurdity of it all.  I did enjoy the reminder that I was young once, I got up to stupid things and that I was not always bogged down in responsibility.

My mind was in overdrive and several memories came at me all at once.  I remembered teenage romances I had, differences of opinions with female friends but it also brought to light patterns that have always been in my life.  Even things that I have discussed in my blog were happening as far back as  my teens so this walk opened my eyes to a lot of things.

There was one problem with all this – whilst I was out on the walk I had not taken any writing material with me and I could not even make notes about the thoughts I had, could not capture the memories that had been thrust upon me.   I am sitting here trying to piece together my history.  It was as if I had walked through a portal into the past.  I was flooded with feelings, actions, insecurities and smiled at the idea of my teenage years.

Today I also wrote two poems and since hearing and reading the work of Anis Mojgani it has given me a whole new perspective on writing poetry.  I have been turning thoughts into words and have been looking forward to see what they turn into.  I have decided that it is a field I would like to explore more.  Poetry is like my new indulgence.  I love that I can create something in a few hours that reflects a mood or a thought.  Poetry has become my new therapy and I am revelling in the positivity it has brought into my life.  I feel like I am stealing my life back a line at a time.



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