Well I have been gone from my blog for so long that I don’t really know where to start again. So maybe I will just start with a little information on what I have been doing with myself over the last couple of months.
I have been spending huge amounts of time with my babies, I have been loving every minute of it and building loads of memories with them. As money is a constant problem we have been thinking up ways to make our days more interesting without spending any money. I have been walking with them a lot, visiting local places of interest, and we have all spent time reconnecting with each other. I even revisited some childhood haunts to let my kids see where we spent our time when we were younger. I showed them the places my parents took me and my siblings. I let them experience the joys of being outdoors and embrace the fantastic things that nature offers.
This has been enlightening for me in so many ways. I have viewed my kids being carefree, having fun and not worrying about the day to day stresses we all have. We took food, my kids had art pads and pencils with them. We lazed about or got carried away in the local river. We visited castles, historical houses, ran around like numpties and just let our hair down.
Most of all going through the motions of showing my kids how I grew up, the places that mattered to me, sharing family memories, relaxing in the nostalgic tales and just being able to be me was a therapeutic aid I will always remember. I managed to find the family that I sometimes feel is lost to me all these years later. I remember shrieks of joy, the suns warmth in happy times, letting go of stress and just enjoying the moment. I watched my kids smile, play, swim, fish for minnows and be captivated with the here and now and it brought vivid memories of my own parents and my family. I realised that I am luckier than most people because not only was I brought up In a house that was filled with lots of people but I grew up in a house filled with love. I grew up knowing that there was always someone who cared for me, always a place of warmth and light to go to and I know that I have (to the best of my ability) provided that for my kids. I may not have had a husband or partner to share the load but I have shown my kids that I love them and in turn hopefully I have shown them how to love.
Another illuminating fact I have learned over the summer is that I now know – what is important to me, who is important to me and that I am a good person. I am slowly learning at the ripe old age of forty one that I have to chase my dreams. I need to stop letting life hold me back and just get on with living in the here and now. I am now open to embracing everything life has to give and will not falter from my goals.
I have also written a five-year plan to remind me of my goals when life becomes too busy. I have clear aims and have written them down and will display them in my private space (bedroom) where on a daily basis I can be reminded of the path I am on. No more letting everyone else’s problems take precedence over me living my own life. I have learned that some things just don’t need the effort of worrying about, some things are inconsequential and are not worth the energy of stressing and fretting over it all.
The future is looking rosy.