I was supposed to be going for two interviews tomorrow. These were in the same field of work I am in now but yet again I have been channelling all my energies in a career that I am no longer enamoured with. I have been struggling for a long time with the stresses and strains of trying to get ahead in a career that I have been qualified in for over twelve years but have as of yet gotten nowhere. I made the decision yesterday to stop this nonsense.
This choice has been a long time coming. I felt unbelievably lighter as I accepted my decision. I have also not had a headache or been grinding my teeth since I did that. I know it is early days but I am quite happy that I have taken away the self imposed pressure I was placing myself under. I am giving myself a break. I think after twelve years of getting nowhere I need to take the pressure off and take some time to take stock of where I am.
I have also decided that my health, my kids happiness, my general mental wellbeing and my home need me to take the edge off. I have felt huge amounts of pressure as the single parent of five kids to show them that not only can I look after them and go to work but that I have to be superhuman whilst at work. Whilst I have been pursuing this career I had forgotten how to be just me. I had forgotten how to relax, how to enjoy life and how to be happy with myself.
As of today all of this has stopped. I am officially looking for something more productive to do with my time. I read articles all the time about people enjoying their jobs and how it doesnt seem like work if they are doing what they love. I love writing. I love reading a great article, a fantastic book, a beautiful poem and I know I can write. I have been trying to fight this compulsion for so long but now it feels as if I am denying part of myself if I keep pursuing another line of work. So for now I will be keeping up my part time job (purely to pay the bills) and giving myself the freedom to truly enjoy being me. I have written some plans down for a couple of things that will be discussed in more detail in the future but for now I will be keeping everything close to my chest as I prepare for the biggest adventure of my life. I feel inspired, rejuvenated and liberated. Long may it last.