It is 5.37am and I cannot sleep. Part of the reason why I could not get to sleep was because I had not gotten around to writing my blog post for friday. I have started to feel like I have forgotten part of myself if I do not write this blog on a daily basis. Although I may have forgotten to write on the blog – I had in fact been writing properly at home so I do not feel so bad about it today. This blog has become like a daily meditation for me where I can sift through thoughts or process my day or just get rid of some pent up feelings. It has helped immensely in my mental health and my physical health because I am using my reasoning to discuss or deal with feelings that would normal fester and uset me.
I know it is early in the morning but I actually feel well rested, very refreshed and ready to start my day. I am having a few hours to myself and it is truly blissful. I have some things I will write down in my actual paper journal – maybe ideas for a poem. I have some articles to cut out and save because they hold some personal significance or they have some aspect that I would like to research or dissect in some way. I have been feeling as it comes ever closer to the end of the school holidays that I am ready to deal with any problems, any hitches that come my way. I have become more open to the possibilities that my future has. I have finally cleared away enough of my personal clutter that I can see a bright, useful and productive future for myself.
I am having some behaviour issues with a couple of my kids. I have devised a plan to try and sort out these issues before they turn into a major problem. I am well aware that I have to keep on top of these things before they get out of hand. My life may be a war zone for a few weeks as my new regime starts to settle in but hopefully things will all work out and we will have a much more harmonious household. I am really tired of the outbreaks of tension between my two youngest kids but the time to deal with it is now.
In my personal life things have gotten back to how they always used to be. It is just me and my kids now – like it always has been. I have missed us working together as a team and I would like to get back to that. I want to make sure that I give each of my kids as much personal attention as possible. Many things have happened over the course of the summer and I feel that I really need to take charge, make time, stick to my guns and renegotiate the road that I and my kids are taking. As a single parent certain things need to happen for life to have some normalcy. Structure and routine are fabulous ways to let your kids know you love them and keep you sane at the same time. School life is a perfect way to balance out their day and ensure they get enough sleep. I also need to make sure I get enough sleep.
On that note I think I may go back to bed for an hour before al my kids get up.