It is just over a week till the kids go back to school so this week is a time to get things sorted, in order and the start of a new chapter. My youngest son is starting primary two, my youngest daughter is starting primary five and my eldest son is going into third year at high shool. I am so glad my two eldest daughters are fnished wth high school and have homes and children of their own because it takes a little of the strain off me. They are responsible for themselves now, I can only watch with wonder as they carve out lives of their own.
This week also heralds in a new era for me as I too try to carve out a new future for myself. As I keep getting told by others – maybe I should just accept that being a parent is the sole result of my life. As a single parent almost every day of my adult life I have been told that I will never amount to anything, I should not have dreams because I do not deserve to have any fullfillment or satisfaction in lfe.
I have never lived a conventional life. I do not strive for possessions and things or monetary wealth. Over the years I have only chased the essence of me. I have completed three degrees in an attempt to learn about history and literature but mostly in a attempt to find me. I want to be challenged everyday. I want a career that makes me feel valued. I want to live a life where I feel useful outside of my home life. I dont know if I am any closer to finding that path for myself but I know that at forty years old I am still hopeful that I will find that goal.