Well today has started off with pain again so the threat of a miscarriage is still hanging around. I have been given instructions on what to do in case of it escalating and also staying the same. I have been emotionally all over the place but at this point in my day I just want to know that either everything is going to be okay or for it to rectify itself in whatever way necessary. Stayiing on bed rest is not the way I want to pass my days. The kids are going cuckoo so I am trying to balance my own wellbeing with trying to keep them in line. At the moment it does not seem to be working.
My thirteen year old son however is showing himself to be a truly great guy because he is helping above and beyond the call of duty. It bugs me that I have to get him to help though because he should be out enjoying his summer holiday. My lovely daughter is coming to take the two wee ones off my hands for the night in the hope that things settle themselves. As much as I love all my kids to bits on days like this a little bit of peace and quiet would be heavenly.
I had to call my work and let them know I am not fit to work this week and that in itself was a chore. My friend however was very sympathetic and ran down to check I was okay bringing gifts of cream cakes for me. It warms the heart knowing that people are genuinely bothered about me. I don’t have a lot of friends but the ones I do have are magnificient.
I started off the day feeling vulnerable, alone and a little scared. Now I know that no matter what I have people around me who care about me and that makes everything bearable. My day gradually got better. I am still in pain – still worried about this baby but my outlook on life is a little brighter than it was this morning. I also think I am beginning to see who the genuine people are who are close to me. Someone who should be making sure I am okay is not and it speaks volumes. Maybe I need to reassess my view and start recovering who I am instead of letting them dictate my feelings.
I am looking forward to my grandson’s first birthday on thursday. He is a beautiful boy and makes every day better. My youngest son has given me a million bug hugs this week so I have been well and truly spoiled by him. My daughter just wants to feel close to me so she has been sleeping in my bed now and again so we can chat and spend time talking and laughing together. My kids are a joy in my life.