Now if you have read between the lines of my blog so far you will know that I have been really stressed as of late. This is for various reasons.
1) School holidays.
2) Hating my work.
3) Being pregnant.
4) Getting into a relationship with a man who was really not available at the time.
5) Not living my life the way I wanted to.
Today this all came to a head because I had a threat of a miscarriage. This meant that things in my life are far too complicated, stress is getting too much and my body needs to stop. This is one of those epiphany moments where I need to start:
a) Looking after myself better.
b) Find a way to cut down on all the stress.
c) Make my life much more simple.
d) Start working towards things that will make me happy.
e) Make life easier for me.
f) Make life changing decisions that will only benefit me in the long run.
Now I know I seem to have periods where I am happier than others. Times when I get a little depressed. On the whole though I do find that I manage to work my way out of these periods in different ways. I am not a totally depressed person I have times when things can get too much or life seems exceptionally hard but I do think I am able to turn these around on my own. I put a lot of unneccessary pressure on myself to be able to do anything and everything.
The things I have missed doing is writing – school holidays and other things have minimised the times I can spend writing or creating. I have not been able to take my dog for long mind clearing walks nearly as much as I should. I forget to look after myself because I am either working, stopping my kids from killing each other or trying to get some rest. I have sort of came to a standstill on the decorating front because I lost sight ot the final picture. The work needing to be done seems far too much for me to do on my own and I got a little scared of that. I have been letting the lives and worries of other people encroach on my own wellbeing.
Today that will change because it has to. As much as my situation is not ideal I have now came to the realisationg that there are worse things that could happen than me having another baby. Whether I do it with help or on my own I know I am more than capable of doing this. Work is just that -work – it should have no bearing on my happiness, how I see myself or what I do with my life in the future. If nothing else it should spur me on to doing something spectacular with my life. It should give me the impetus to get things moving in a much more positive direction. I am feeling focused for the first time in ages. Now all I need to do is remind myself of this every day.
Wish me luck. x