I have had a weekend of two halves. Saturday – I woke up with plans and hope in my wee heart but the plans fell through and I had an emotional wreck of a day. I ventured out of my house to visit some friends and family but the disappointment of the day got a bit much for me and I went home and lay on my bed and bubbled like a baby for a couple of hours. I had a few messages of support from my sister, friends and older kids and listened to some angry music.
After a couple of hours of feeling sorry for myself I got angry for two reasons.
1) I let someone else make me feel bad when I should have gone out and done what I wanted to do anyway.
2) I ruined a perfectly good weekend because I let someone’s feelings come before my own.
This made me sort myself out pretty quickly. It turned out not a bad night after all because my friend made me feel much better and I got a nice visit too.
Sunday started off really well. I started the day feeling much closer to a certain person and we had a really good chat about a lot of things so I felt better about my emotional breakdown from the day before. I have been enjoying my own company more these past few days so It feels good getting some time to sort out my head.
I had a lazy mid-day because I tidied my room and felt relaxed and calm for the first time all weekend. Then I went to my sisters and had a good time chatting with family, having dinner and being surrounded by supportive family members which helped heal any emotional residue from the day before. I am really lucky. I need to remind myself of this because there are millions of people out there who are much worse off than I am. Self pity is not an attractive quality. I think I just needed to take a moment to acknowledge the emotional pain I was feeling before I move on to the next chapter in my life.
I have come to some conclusions about my life:
1) I will take it one day at a time and try to pack as much into it as I possibly can.
2) I am really lucky and need to remind myself of that every single day.
3) I am a good person – I need to stop beating myself up on a daily basis.
4) I have many things to be thankful for – especially because of the five wonderful people I brought into the world and raised on my own.
5) I have great things to look forward to.
6) I am more tolerant than most people I know and love meeting new people and trying new things.
7) I can cope with absolutely anything life throws at me.
I will chill out tonight, spend time talking to my kids, maybe watch a movie then have an earlyish night. I will get to bed at a decent time and see what excitement Monday brings. I am in love with life today.