I have had a stressful time over the last week and with the kids being off school it has been multiplied. Things were just getting too great for one little head like mine to cope with. So for the last two days I have had some time to myself. The kids I have are old enough to be left sitting watching movies on their own for a couple of hours. So I left them to their own devices and went and lay down on my bed. Usually any rest like this would end up with me falling asleep pretty soon.
I plugged the headphones for my ipod in my ears and turned the music up loud. I think I did this to just drown out the thoughts in my head. I lay there thinking about stuff, listening to music, occasionally picking up a book and reading or just being alone with myself. I lay there from eight o’clock till about midnight. The next day I felt really refreshed and like a weight had been lifted. I managed to get a lot of things into perspective and prioritise the things I need to do and disregarded the things that have been causing me stress.
It turned out the things I had been worrying about were inconsequential. I have all the people who mean the most to me round about me. My older kids are friends as well as my children. I feel like I can talk to them about issues in my life and I hope they can come talk to me about similar things too. My son who is thirteen is wise way beyond his years and I love spending time watching movies and tv with him. These nights usually turn into a big discussion of some sort. He is fascinating, caring, intelligent and just fantastic to be around. I am told on a daily basis how lovely my son is. My two youngest have been challenging to say the least but over the last week we seem to have come to an understanding and I am actually enjoying having them at home since the schools are all on holiday.
I am really lucky because I have had and still have some of my kids all to myself. I have been through some rocky roads with them all but ultimately we are all just trying to do the best we can. I have had really bad relationships with guys but my kids were worth all that. I am in a place where as long as my kids are okay then so am I. It is not worth worrying about anything you may have done wrong or what people think about you. I know the people who mean the most to me love me. I tell them at every available opportunity that I love them. I am actually enjoying life today because I have taken two nights to chill out and be with myself. I am not a bad person, I have a lot to give and I am living my life as if it could all end tomorrow and I have no shame in doing that.
Maybe more people should try doing that.