I have realised that there are certain things that cheer me up:
2) my kids
7) a night out now and again.
I am in the pursuit of happiness right now. Nothing in my life is making much sense. I am struggling with my mental health these days. I want to lie in my bed more. This is not always cos i’m depressed – mostly because its the only room where I can breathe and think. I am desperate for a night out, a hug, a conversation of some interest, a spark of life. I am desperate to not be me just now. I am feeling the oppression of being a single parent, of being on my own, of being stuck in a rut. I am fed up of people trying to make me feel bad for the way their lives have turned out. I can only fix me I cannot fix anyone else. I am fed up of folk contacting me who have nothing to say, who only want one thing, who never ask ‘how are you?’. Friendship is a two way thing and today I am not going to keep up a pretence any more with someone who only wants me to bolster them up.
I have decided that of the things that cheer me up – for this particular occasion a few of these would help. Ink is the thing that screams out at me the most. Ink for me to write with and ink for my skin. I feel good about tattoos – I love watching a picture that means everything to me – appear. I love having something significant and beautiful to me etched on my skin. I think necessity is telling me I have to get my tattoo that I have been planning for almost four years.
Writing – I have been writing more and more these days. Nothing like a little bit of soul-searching and heart-ache to give me the urge to write. It has all been personal at the moment but I feel like I have to work through some desperate personal issues before I can move on. This is a good thing. I have no real outlet for vocalising my frustrations and my worries so I write them away. My writing is like an old friend. I would be completely lost without my journals, my poetry and my rantings.
The absolute best thing for me at the moment would be dancing. It has health giving properties, it makes me smile constantly, it makes me happy, it cheers up my kids when I dance with them. The only problem is dancing is best done in the company of others and I don’t have much company at this time. I will get some tunes on later and have a boogy by myself. I am not embarrasssed to do this. In fact when I am out I tend to dance on my own anyway. There are only so many folk brave enough to dance with me.
There I have managed to lift my spirits just by blogging about things that cheer me up. I hope it lasts.