Hay Fever is killing me

I have been suffering from hay fever all my life really but the past couple of years I have been fooled into thinking it is going away as I have had hardly any symptoms.  I think my body has been hoarding all the pollen just for it to descend on me this last few days.  I am sitting writing this through a stream of runny eyes and an endless supply of snot ( attractive I know but I am just trying to describe a fraction of the misery it causes me).  Over the counter remedies don’t really scrape the surface in dealing with it.  My doctors advice once was to stay in the house all summer with windows and door firmly closed.  This is fine advice if you-

a) don’t have kids

b) don’t have any friends

c) don’t have to work

d) don’t have to eat

like a lot of doctor advice – I could have asked anyone in the street for a better cure and got a much better answer.

I have been preoccupied lately.  I had some major decisions to make but I think fate has other things planned for me.  I will divulge more in the coming weeks but I have been dealt a sideways blow that could either help or hinder me.  I do feel that most things happen for a reason and I just need to reassess my situation and take everything in my stride.

On the relationship front I am still getting along swimmingly with the man of my dreams at the moment.  I have not felt this happy for a long time so long may it continue.  What I am worried about is the way relationships seem to cause me to forget myself for a moment.  It is a constant battle for me to keep vigilantly reminding myself that I matter and that I should look after myself.  If I can’t look after myself then how can I look after anyone else?

I need to leave myself one  hundred little post it notes everywhere, on my locker at work, on the back of my toilet door, in the fridge, on my mirror, anywhere I look on a daily basis just to remind me that I am important.  I am deserving of my own attention.  I have noticed that the happier I am the happier my kids seem to be.  This needs more investigation but I am hopefully on the right track now.  I have never felt so lucky as I do now because I seem to have many people rooting for me to do well.

I had a tiny set back today as I was talking to someone who said that maybe being a mother is what I am destined to be, (like that is the sum of my worth) I was totally taken aback with horror.  Yes I truly love my kids and would do anything to keep them safe and happy but I do not think that is all I have achieved with my life.  I wish I could get one negative comment every day because they spur me on to do some unbelievably fulfilling things.  The glib comment from this woman made me determined to keep chasing my dreams, keep hope in my heart and just keep fighting against small mindedness wherever I go.

I am going to watch a movie and hopefully will feel enlightened for doing so.



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