I have been watching movies with my kids since they did their homework but now they are all tucked up in bed and I am alone with the thoughts running round my head. I have tried watching a movie but it is hard to concentrate for any length of time. I have so much stuff crammed into my every waking thought. I need to write them down to stop them from driving me mad. I have been trying to watch Wuthering Heights to distract myself but all it has done is remind me that I am alone right now. I fancied watching a film that would take me out of myself and get a little involved but all it has done is made me feel bleak and disheartened.
I absolutely love the book and the film versions that have gone before but this one has left me hopeless for a little while. I need to cheer myself up in a ridiculous manner to make up for this drudgery that I have watched. I am worried that this misery sticks with me until tomorrow but I have so many things to do that I can’t not put my all into my day. I feel bone weary tonight. I have been productive, I have started my essay work, I got the kids homework out of the way, I spent time with my kids, I have done all my washing and chores with the help of my son. I just wish I had the will power to get into a good sleep routine but this still eludes me.
Maybe all the hard work, heavy lifting, wallpaper stripping and moving of furniture will tire me out and make me sleep better tomorrow. I have so much work to do to ready my house for getting my new central heating in just over a week. I do think though that this physical exertion will help to stop me worrying about everything. I just need to focus and get everything in order to decorate after all the work has begun. Once the house is looking better I think I will feel much better myself.
Here I am and it is almost one o’clock in the morning and I am still sitting writing, watching tv and thinking about things. Even my dog is snoring, telling me that I should be in my bed too. I think i will cut this short tonight and hope that tomorrow brings some respite from everything (but if not – I will be too tired to pay any attention). I start work at half past four but I have a whole shift of manual labour to put in before then.