I have been at work today, listening to everyone’s plans for the May weekend. For me this weekend is the same as every other weekend – a mixture of work, food shopping and staying at home. We don’t have the money for day trips, I don’t drive and bus fares are really expensive now. We have to just entertain ourselves with walks, dvd nights, watching telly. Tonight it is movie night with my boys because my baby girl is staying at her big sisters house.
I have been feeling a little fluey today but think it has just been me overdoing things again. I totally have to get a grip on looking after myself better. I ache all over but I know I am not pacing myself properly. I am trying to get things done too quickly and this mixed with work all the time, essay work and looking after the kids it has left me knackered. This also means that I have been emotionally drained lately. I have been crying at the drop of a hat, watching emotional movies, listening to sad music because I feel like I am going through a break up. I have just been in a place where I need to try and get my emotions out instead of holding them all in. I am also trying to sort out man-problems. The easiest thing would be to just end things and look after myself but as ever I am a glutton for punishment and keep trying to make things work when they clearly are not in my favour.
Tomorrow should be a good day. I am hoping for a long lie (please #5 child stay in bed for an extra couple of hours) as I seriously need to catch up on some sleep. My body is screaming at me to let it rest. I don’t want to waste a minute though so I will be going to bed at my usual time and just hoping that my weans take mercy on me and leave me to sleep for a little bit longer. I like being in my bedroom because it is space just for me – with all my music, books, writing materials and is completely child free.
Monday is a holiday for us all so I look forward to another day where I only have to worry about my kids and myself. I need to find something memorable for us to do as it is meant to be raining all day. I am looking after my friend’s daughter for a little while tomorrow and then when she comes back we are all going to have dinner together. Looking forward to seeing her wee cherubs smiley face and having a blether with her.