I have been in a contemplative mood all morning. I have loads of things on my mind and am trying to sort out my feelings and thoughts. Yesterday was a pretty hard day, my personal life had a bit of a knock and this morning was one of those days where I just wanted to curl up under my quilt and forget the day. I am a single parent however and my life does not stop just because I am heartbroken or sad or depressed. I still have three kids at home and they need me even if I just don’t want to get up.
My youngest came into my room this morning and told me it was breakfast time and he has such a sweet little cherubic face that I can’t help but smile back at him. My daughter needed a little more coaxing to get out of bed but my teenage son gets himself up and ready no problem. I am sure that at those times when I am at my lowest point that those three kids save my life. They are great company, have interests in everything and just keep me on a level keel when life is not nice to me. I am very lucky to have them.
After I dropped them at school I came home and got the dog and went for a walk with my friend and her pooches. This act clears away the little pockets of doubt that exist in my brain and leaves me refreshed and feeling useful again. We discussed my dilemma from yesterday and she got very angry on my behalf. This was surprising because the shoe is usually on the other foot. The walk ended up with me feeling hopeful for the future and looking forward to a night out with work colleagues on Saturday.
I got a surprise text message from a friend who had read my blog post from yesterday and she wanted to check up on me. I almost burst into tears reading this because it made me realise that there are people out there who care about me even when I feel pretty isolated and alone. Little things like this make me reassess how bad I actually feel. How can I keep feeling low when I have these kids depending on me, friends to spend time with and friends who are concerned about me? Yesterday I wanted to lie down for a very long time but today I want to get back out in the world. If I can meet one nice guy then surely there is a chance that there may be another one out there somewhere.