Tonight is a bit of an anti-climax to my day. I think it is because tiredness has caught up with me since my late night last night when I was writing my essay. I started off the day pretty excited about my essay, looking forward to new experiences and genuinely feeling positive about the future. I had some fun with my kids after school then came home. I had a quick visit from a friend but after he left I felt lethargic and tired.
I totally need to start sleeping like a normal person again. I have been spending a lot of time in the wee small hours just reflecting on my day and trying to have a little time in my day just for me. Time when I can try to relax and mull over my plans for the next day. I am a little concerned at how easily my mood can turn. Maybe it is down to really bad sleeping habits or doing far too much but I suspect that I have a almost daily fight on my hands – trying not to let depression get the better of me.
I have never been diagnosed with depression but I know I have times when I feel pretty low. Days when it is a struggle to get out of bed and just keep going. The best cure I have for it at the moment though is getting out walking my dog. Everything seems a little brighter when Zeke and I have done the rounds of the town. I breathe better, I feel better, my mood is instantly lifted and it sets me up for the day. He is my own personal depression buster.
I missed blogging yesterday because of my essay and it has begun to have a huge daily significance in my life. I have always kept diaries but I don’t think I have written anything quite this personal that I am actually willing to let people read. I feel a sense of freedom from getting rid of all my stresses on here but actually feel proud of what I write. I know I am expressing myself in a way that is really close to my heart. I feel like I put a little piece of myself on each of these posts and it makes my heart beat faster with pride if someone reads them and leaves a comment. These posts are like my children. If they express hurt then you know I am feeling it too. Reading over them again makes me emotional and happy. I am proud of me.