Why couldn’t you be better

I have the worst taste in men.  I regularly chose broken, lost or warped guys.  It is probably the reason why I am still on my own to this day.  My good guy radar never worked correctly from the start.  I am sitting writing this waiting for my ex-partner to turn up on a visit to see his kids.  I dread these for several reasons. 

1. He does not really do anything with the kids – think he just comes to upset me.

2. It is guaranteed that we will either argue so that I have to ask him to leave or he will make an inappropriate advance towards me and I will be left harassed and feeling sick to the pit of my stomach.

3. He will annoy the kids or promise that he will do something with them but these promises never come to pass.

4. He will give them some present but take it home with him.

5. He will talk about getting a job and helping financially but these promises never materialise.

6. He will talk about helping in the house but again he never delivers.

As a result of this I have a few questions around his failings.  Why couldn’t you be?

a) taller

c) more sensitive

d) less racist

e) understanding

f) taller

g) a man of your word

h) a better dad

i) responsible

j) monogamous

k) interesting

l) caring

m) vulnerable

n) respectful

o) warm

p) honest

q) perceptive

r) approachable

s) open

t) trustworthy

u) trusting

v) sincere

w) generous

x) loving

y) careful

z) there.

All this boils down to one thing really.  Why couldn’t I be a better judge of character?  Why couldn’t I have made better choices?  Why couldn’t I have sorted myself out? 

After all those years we spent together I only have the three kids we made to be proud of.  On reflection I don’t think I ever really loved you.  I think I was looking for something that I had once lost and mistakingly thought I saw a glimmer of in you.  It is just another lesson learned (a hard lesson).  I won’t make that same mistake again.






2 thoughts on “Why couldn’t you be better

  1. you should post this, every single women has felt like this. know am not single the now but would be better off mentally if a was . love you l xx

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