I seem to have been procrastinating for some time now. My life has been screaming at me to make a decision about my next step forward. When I went to university the first time back in 1994 I had been very focused. A year before I went I had written out a five year plan. This plan was to go back to school (literally – as I sat in classes with kids aged 16-17) and take a year to get four highers in order to get a place at university. I was told by several people that I could not do this. They said do one higher at a time because you have two kids and you won’t ever be able to pass them if I did four in one go. I insisted I had the ability to get an A and two Bs to get into university in one year. To make sure I would be focused enough to do it – I got rid of my television for five whole years.
After convincing them I could do it I was allowed to go back to school and I proved all my doubters wrong because I passed all four highers with flying colours. I then went on to complete an honours degree in History. This was no mean feat as I had another baby four weeks into my final year and only took a week and a half out to recuperate. I felt capable of anything back then. My determination stuck with me as the next year I completed a vocational degree and did this having to drop three kids off at three different venues before having to get the bus to Glasgow and put in a full time shift at university. I then had to do all the running about in reverse on the way home.
I hardly socialized at university because there was very little personal time. I even took my kids to university with me on school holidays so I did not miss any of my course work. I was always tired but always happy that I was working towards a goal. I love learning and felt that my life was moving forward. Now though things are very different. I still have the get up and go to do courses and keep moving forward intellectually but I have lost sight of my goal. I have lost sight of the direction I am going in. I feel like I am now following someone else’s dream and not mine. I need to get a grip. I need to get a handle on my own life again.
I have been floundering for a very long time. I have been knocked about on the career front and am now desperate to make a change of some magnitude. I have lost sight of the stronger person I used to be. Life has a habit of knocking me sideways and I need to make a conscious effort to find my feet again.
So as a result of all this I am going to do a few things today:
1) Make a list of the positives and negatives.
2) Look at my strengths and weaknesses – check where my talents lie and what career options there are for me.
3) Reassess my life now, what skills I can utilise career wise.
4) Once I know the answers to all of the above I am going to try writing a new five year plan. This could be the length of time it would take me to retrain in another field.
5) Write a list of all the things that are stopping me from making the final decision.
6) Look at why I have become so indecisive.
7) Make some major changes to how I live – stop procrastinating.
I feel slightly better but I think this is because I am finally giving myself the time and effort it needs to sort out my life once and for all. I have been denying there was anything wrong. I have been denying certain parts of my personality in order to get through life on a daily basis. I won’t do that anymore.
Here’s to the thought process, the weighing up of options and the putting the plan into play. I will keep you updated with how it is going.