Bad Day – Big Rage

Day was beautiful – started well with my friends at work.  Woke up feeling positive, had a job interview to go to.  Was feeling really energetic and happy and smiley.

Spent a lot of time with nice folk coming into my work – they are always a pleasure to speak to.  Got a quick visit from my daughter to get me to let the tattoo artist round the corner know that she was in fact an adult and was almost nineteen years of age.  Then off to my job interview with my certificates, my info and my ipod cheerily blaring in my ears to help keep my mood up.  The interview went really well and I thought I was in with a chance.  Trundled back home on the bus still happy and popped into my work for a chat.  I then picked up my happy wee kids from school who came out all brand new and smiley.  On the way home though I got the call to let me know I didn’t get the job because they gave it to the woman who had been there longer than me.

All well and good so far – the woman they gave the job to was and is a good friend to me.  I was happy for her.  The thing that gets on my wick though is the way my boss speaks to me when giving feedback.  Her wee voice gets shakey and she starts giving me this pitiful wee voice in an attempt to make me feel sorry for her and the hard decision she has had to make.  I try to stay calm at the obvious condescension in her voice but it is hard.  After listening to this for a good minute or two my brain just snaps.  I even feel a tear coming to my eye and a lump to my throat with the shock that this woman thinks it is okay to keep talking to me like I am a three year old.  I absolutely hate being spoken down to especially by a woman who goes on about how fair she is in everything she does and says.  Aye as if.

The woman actually makes me feel really bad.  One minute telling me that I did really well in the interview but then turning it all around with this one-woman pity party.  Hey I never got the job but I deserve a little decency don’t I?  I hate people feeling sorry for me with a passion.  I would rather gouge out my own eyeballs with a spoon than listen to folk feeling sorry for me.

I work hard, I regularly help people out – hey I even helped her out by doing loads of extra shifts for her.  I look after my kids, I study for yet another degree and I make it to work every day.  When I am at work I do a bloody good job, I treat the customers very well and I try my hardest to help everyone out when I can.  If I can raise five kids on my own with next to no money whatsoever and work in a job for years trying to get somewhere – to make a career out of it with no support or help from anyone I sure as hell can take some feedback as to why I didn’t get a job.

I have earned the right to be treated as a human being in that situation.  I have earned the right not to be treated with pity for such a trivial thing.  In case you don’t know my life is bigger than my crappy job.  I have huge plans that don’t include bosses with a complex about hurting peoples feelings. So instead of patronising me in an attempt to make yourself feel better just tell me whats what and shut the hell up.

The end result of this is that I tidied up a storm when I got home.  Big rage does wonders for my house.  It does magnificent things for my compulsion to not let this crummy job define who I am.  I may have to work for you at the moment but there is a day coming very soon when I won’t have to listen to you for a second longer and that is what I will cling to.

Thanks for helping me get things in perspective.

W

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