I have had a very interesting week.
I spent monday re-establishing links at my new job. Several people seemed to be angry and acting in a territorial nature when I went back to work. Any job I touched seemed to be stepping on someone elses toes. This week however things seem to have calmed down and I have enjoyed working with old colleagues again.
Tuesday I spent at the hospital. I had found a lump months ago and took ages to go and see my doctor. I finally went to my own doctor in November and mentioned this lump and it took two months for me to get a hospital appointment. Tuesday was the day when I had to go and get it checked out. I was terrified. As the sole provider for three kids I was worried that I would be seriously ill and would not be able to look after them. I had worried myself sick before going to the hospital. I had wanted to tell someone where I was going but felt unable to share this.
I went to the hospital on my own. The stress was manifesting itself in a sore jaw and headache because I clench my teeth when I am stressed. I sat for an hour waiting to see the consultant. He asked several questions then examined me. It felt really odd sitting naked from the waist up but the doctor made me feel like he was professional and relaxed. I vaguely remember staring into the corner of the room so I did no have to think about the exam.
I was then sent to have a mammogram and an ultrasound. The young woman doing the mammograms seemed aloof and detached but when she helped me lean into the machine in the various positions, the care and attention she used to carry out her job made me feel like I was important. The cold precision of the machine was counterbalanced by the gentle manoeuvering of the staff member.
I then had an ultrasound but the radiographer told me the mammograms were clear before performing the ultrasound exam. I had to go back to see the consultant who looked happy to tell me that everything was clear. This day took several hours but I felt like I was treated as a person and was made to feel at ease. The day managed to replace the stress with a feeling of calm. I had went through the process myself but came out feeling a little less alone in the world.
Wednesday I went to the Red Book Awards and helped shepherd the teenage performers between the stage and the seats. The authors were very interesting and if it was not for the splitting headache I got half way through the day it would have been a great day. I spent the half hour home on the bus trying not to throw up.
Thursday I worked till eight then indulged in a little me time catching up on missed tv programmes and reading.
Friday I walked my dog for a couple of hours , chatted to my good friend about life and stuff. I then went to dinner at my sisters. We had not been in touch much lately but we instantly got on like we always have. She has always had a house full of interesting material to read, fantastic food that is a feast for the senses and a general ambiance of inspiring conversation, tasty food and good wine.
The end of the week seemed to be a brilliant antidote to the stressful beginning of my week.
I love weeks that are defined by the balance of things. I spent a lot of time on my own feeling lonely but this was evened out by a night spent with new company surrounded also by the people I love. I enjoy nights where I manage to spend time indulging in the repair of my soul.
Thanks sister because I needed the night in more ways than you could possibly know.