I have not written anything for a while. I got tied up with Christmas and work changes and have not had time to write as much as I had wanted.
I reread all my earlier posts and am now sitting here with a tear in my eye. I am crying for a couple of reasons.
1. I have just reminded myself that I have a lot to be proud of.
2. I have reminded myself of the plans I had for the new year but they fell by the wayside for a little while.
3. I have reminded myself that my family means a lot to me and sometimes I forget how lucky I am.
4. I am crying because I had started letting the depression of being skint in January get to me and it was stopping me from following the plans to take control of my own destiny.
5. I cried a selfish little tear because I am on my own and lonely.
Rereading my posts has gave me a little jolt back to reality. I can do everything I have planned to do and more. I just need to keep writing and keep on top of everything else. I am going to spend a week or two reminding myself who I am and tending to my own needs. Learning to look after myself is hard after looking after everyone else for so long. I feel really guilty if I spend too long focussing on me. I feel guilty if my kids get upset. I feel guilty for just breathing some days.
Tomorrow I will try to have a guilt free day.