Remember

I have not written anything for a while.  I got tied up with Christmas and work changes and have not had time to write as much as I had wanted. 

I reread all my earlier posts and am now sitting here with a tear in my eye.  I am crying for a couple of reasons. 

1.  I have just reminded myself that I have a lot to be proud of.

2.  I have reminded myself of the plans I had for the new year but they fell by the wayside for a little while.

3.  I have reminded myself that my family means a lot to me and sometimes I forget how lucky I am.

4.  I am crying because I had started letting the depression of being skint in January get to me and it was stopping me from following the plans to take control of my own destiny.

5.  I cried a selfish little tear because I am on my own and lonely. 

 

Rereading my posts has gave me a little jolt back to reality.  I can do everything I have planned to do and more.  I just need to keep writing and keep on top of everything else.  I am going to spend a week or two reminding myself who I am and tending to my own needs.  Learning to look after myself is hard after looking after everyone else for so long.  I feel really guilty if I spend too long focussing on me.  I feel guilty if my kids get upset.  I feel guilty for just breathing some days. 

Tomorrow I will try to have a guilt free day. 

W

 

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4 thoughts on “Remember

  1. Lisa, it’s easy to get back into the daily grind and forget that you deserve a life too! Keep stepping forward and remember – learn to embrace yourself, release that wee lassie inside and do what YOU want.

    I’m proud that you’re my cousin!!

    Much respect Lisa,

    Eileen xx

    • Hi Eileen.

      I really appreciate your comments. I feel like you and Michael are an inspiration to me and it feels good to have you rooting for me. I like using this blog to get some feelings out since I am on my own just wish I managed to write in it daily but I will get back there.

      Lisa xx

    • Emma

      I know exactly where the guilt comes from and it is bred into us from a very young age. I think too I always felt that I had to make up for the absence of a dad for my kids.
      Some days I feel better than any two parents but other days it is just hard. Especially when i’m feeling emotional and all my kids need me to bolster them when they feel emotional.

      I am hoping that with working less and with more time to focus on me that I will get better at leaving the guilt behind but it is a slow process.

      I feel better getting those feelings down on this blog because I feel less controlled by them if I acknowledge them and move on.

      Love the concern and I feel truly supported and loved by you and yours and that helps me on a daily basis.

      Love you. xx

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