The week from hell:
1. Went to two interviews for jobs I can do standing on my head – but didn’t get either of them.
2. Had to sit through the worst feedback for these two jobs from two women who don’t matter because:
a) One of them has a well-known issue with me – regularly tries to make sure I feel her authority at every point. This woman has passed off my work as her own before, blocked training opportunities for me and just resents my willingness to live my life to the full.
b) One who seemed to be constructive in her feedback until my silence resulted in her filling the gap with inane chatter about me, her resulting pity for me (WTF) and her encouragement to keep applying for the other job with her because 1. A few people have dropped out 2. this would make it more likely that I will have a tiny chance of getting it (WTF) and 3. I should not get disheartened because there is still the next lesser job coming up and I could maybe (just maybe) scrape up enough skills to do that.
This feedback got me sad because the one woman I thought had integrity out of all the female managers I know turned out to have none. The one I knew would be an uphill battle to impress did not even give me the same courtesies she would have given to all the other applicants and went out of her way to say direct all my answers to her colleague because basically she did not give a shit.
This then got me angry. This anger was initially directed at them for not giving me the job and being condescending in their opinion but this anger all turned to myself for applying for the jobs in the first place for various reasons:
1) One of the women has over the course of eight years tried to keep me down at every available opportunity.
2) The same woman used to get me to do certain jobs of hers and then passed it off as her work.
3) I already do the job but at a different place, the skills I have are more advanced than they were looking for.
4) In order to get the job I would have had to dumb down my skills.
5) I put my occupational fate in two women without backbone then let them make me feel bad about myself.
* Drop out of the next two similar interviews
* Put all my attention into getting the promoted post.
* Start looking seriously into furthering my education.
* Start properly looking for jobs out with my current employer.
* Research possible career changes that would allow me to work for myself.
* Get writing every day.
* Start taking writing seriously.
* Take my future out of the hands of negative, destructive, small-minded people that feel threatened by me in some way.
* Start believing in the skills I have, my worth as a creative person and my overall awsomeness.
* Take charge of my future, my growth as a person and afford myself the self-belief that will make things happen for me.
There now I feel better.