I have a need for a Spring Clean. I am just about to turn forty in January and have decided that an overhaul of my life is almost overdue.
I have trundled on in the same routine for almost twenty years now But it is now time for me to do something drastic to get the life I deserve. I have a job (not too fulfilling mind you) but this job has started to wear away my confidence, erode my sense of self and make me feel unwanted, incapable and depressed. I am far too over-qualified for this job. I am not allowed to use the many skills I have to improve the service and as a result am left feeling unmotivated and under-appreciated.
This slow destruction of my confidence has started to manifest itself in other areas of my life. I feel bad for my kids because i cannot afford to provide them with the life I want them to have. As I have been a single parent now for over twenty years it has been becoming increasingly hard to make ends meet. Since the recession started things have become more dire financially and it is a constant struggle to keep my home heated and to keep my kids fed and warm.
In reaction to this I have decided to take a good look at my life – my job, my lifestyle, my aspirations and mark out what I want to achieve in this next chapter of my life.
Heres what I have decided so far:
1. Friends – I have people who say they are my friends but just drain me of time, energy and self respect. It is time to purge these people from my life.
2. I have been chasing the inachievable for over ten years and this is not just because the recession has eroded jobs in my line of work but the people in the hierarchy above me at work (mostly women I add) have closed ranks and don’t want to let me get access to promotion so they keep refusing me access to training opportunities and try to break down my confidence in order to keep me in my place. I however am the bigger person so i will take them out of the equation. I am going to retrain in another profession and try to fulfill my aspirations somewhere else. And ladies who kept me down for those ten years – your way of life is decreasing, your skills are becoming redundant – you will be lucky to have a job in the next five years. You are that scared of change that you are causing the devaluation of your profession, you are not supporting the marketing of your profession as something worthwhile. You will be the creators of your own demise as an occupation because you have closed ranks to new blood, new opportunities and an enhancement to your own skills.
Shame on you.
3. As the big 4 0 is getting closer I need to take care of my health better. I have had one big scare lately so now is the time to get things into perspective. The new me starts here.
4. My youngest child has started school so now it is me time. I need to find out what I like to do, what I want to do so I can carve out a life full of learning, loving, working and experiencing. Watch this space because I predict good things from here on out.
5. Whilst having a guy in my life would be lovely I am a grown woman with many skills, personality in abundance and an unending enthusiasm for life. I do not need a man to complete me, a sidekick to support me or a partner to carry me. I can do this alll on my own. I can and will be the catalyst for my life.
I am going to live life large now. With or without you it is going to be an amazing journey.