I am a single mum with five of the most fantastic kids anyone could hope to have. I have managed to raise all five all on my own. I could be bitter about my situation but I am a good mum. My kids know I love them. I work 30 hours a week and spend an extra ten hours a week travelling to work. All of this is just to keep my kids clothed, fed and warm. I don’t expect help to do this, I chose to have them but i also decided to be responsible.
I am the master of my fate. I can’t blame anyone for the way my life turned out. The whole point of this first post is to pay homage to the men that helped shape me as a parent and as the woman I am today.
Yes I freely admit I have the worst taste in men EVER!!!
Dad number one disappeared before he even knew I was pregnant over twenty-one years ago. I made exactly the same mistake two years later when the same thing happened all over again. I did not crumble and cry – I just got on with it. It turns out however that disappearing off the face of the earth is the best thing they ever did for me.
This spurned me on to better things – I got educated. To date I have completed courses at two universities and am almost ready to complete a third. My kids are clever, independent and creative people and it is all down to the hard work and determination I have. I take full responsibility for them and have worked my ass off to provide for them.
Dad number three seemed to be a good guy. The fact that he had a job meant he was automatically a step up from deadbeat dads one and two. This however did not make him want to provide for his kids. He had already left his first family before I even met him. We went out for almost nine years (he lived with me for three of those) but in all that time he refused to pay for food, clothes, bills or anything else. In that time babies three, four and five appeared. I thought with each child his sense of responsibility would grow but he just moved further and further away as the kids and I formed a team that worked really well.
Now baby number five is about to turn five years old. He has started school and I can feel a sense of achievement. I have done a bloody good job getting to this point in my life.
Deadbeat dad number three is still around when he feels like it. He still contributes nothing – he has never yet bought his soon to be five-year old a christmas or birthday present. He is on benefits, volunteering at a sanctuary for birds of prey and has a free bus pass that allows him to travel all over Scotland. He contributes £3 per week via the Child Support Agency to the upkeep of his kids. He has no intention of ever finding a job. He thinks that any tax credits I get are his taxes paying for the upkeep of his kids. Deadbeat dad number three is deluded, he believes every last thing he reads in the Daily Star.
It is directly due to this fact that I feel the kids and I are better off without him. I need someone like him like I need a hole in my head. The kids like seeing him but his access limited, if only to stop his small mindedness rubbing off on them. Despite all this I do still have faith in men – just not faith in my ability to spot a good one.
I look forward in life, I love learning something new everyday and I try to help people at work when I can. I love my kids, I love my life and I do not regret any of the choices I have made. I still have hope and it keeps me strong. I have people I care about and people who care for me and for now that is enough.
Sometimes it is good to put all that pain out in the atmosphere. Holding it all in can only be bad for me. I hope you will come with me on my journey as I blog away the damage and keep the faith that not all men are bad. It’s good to have company.